dog fiction

Negotiating with Cookies #17 – Take and Bake

We pull into a parking spot in front of the take and bake pizza place.

Fleegle sniffs at the inch wide gap at the top of the shotgun window. “I can smell it from here. I can smell pizza through brick walls. Why ever eat kibble when there’s pizza?”

“You’re drooling.” I open my door. “Wait here. I’ll be right back.”

“I’ll be waiting, and drooling.”

“Don’t I know it.”

I return minutes later, saran wrapped pizza in hand. “Stay in your seat, please,” I say as I slide the pizza on the dashboard in front of me and get behind the wheel.

Sitting next to a puddle of drool, Fleegle stares intently at the pizza as if with his gaze alone he could levitate it into his mouth. He leans toward it as far as he can, vigorously sniffing the air while barely keeping his butt on his seat.

He sees me glancing at him, ready to guard the pizza from sudden attack. “What? I’m just making sure you got the right pizza and not someone else’s.”


Previous: Negotiating with Cookies #16 – Pizza

Start from the beginning: Negotiating with Cookies #1 – Stinky Butt

dog fiction

Negotiating with Cookies #16 – Pizza

I end the call and set my phone on my desk.

Fleegle runs over and nose bumps my leg. “Pizza? You said pizza on the phone, didn’t you?”

“Yes, I did. I just ordered one from the take and bake.”

He runs to the door leading to the garage. “Come on, let’s go.”

I remain seated. “Hold your horses. They need to make the pizza before we go pick it up. There isn’t any rush.”

His butt leads him through a spin of a circle. “What do you mean there’s no rush?” He spins another circle. “We need to go pick it up before someone else gets it. Like someone who isn’t busy holding their horses. Who are these horses anyway? Am I going to have to share my pizza with them?”


Next: Negotiating with Cookies #17 – Take and Bake

Previous: Negotiating with Cookies #15 – Sharing, Or Not

Start at the beginning: Negotiating with Cookies #1 – Stinky Butt

dog fiction sharing

Negotiating with Cookies #15 – Sharing, Or Not

“Hey, chunky monkey, how’s it going?” I say to Fleegle as he joins me on the couch to watch television.

“I’m not as chunky as you. Look at your big couch potato belly. Pressing that remote must give you quite the workout. Changing the channel is like a hundred pound bench press for your thumb. And lifting that spoonful of ice cream all the way to your mouth, well that must be like running a marathon for your arm. Very impressive.”

“Shush, watch the show,” I say.

“The show is just there to occupy your eyes while your mouth does all the work, like your jaw on a Stairmaster. I’m on to you. Always with the chocolate.”

“How do you mean?”

Fleegle snorts his derision. “You only bought chocolate ice cream so you wouldn’t have to share with me.”

“It’s not my fault dogs can’t eat chocolate.”

“You tell me it’s bad for me every time you bring it home. What’s wrong with getting vanilla or strawberry for a change? I like vanilla and strawberry.”

“I happen to like chocolate more than vanilla and strawberry.”

“No, you happen to like not sharing.” He jumps off the couch and leaves the room, then returns with a very slimy tennis ball he was chewing on earlier and drops the filthy thing in my lap, slobber and all.

“What’s this?” I ask.

“I’m teaching you by example.” He nudges the gooey mess with his nose, smearing dog spit and mud on my jeans. “I’m sharing my ball.”


Previous: Negotiating with Cookies #14 – Clothes

Start at the beginning: Negotiating with Cookies #1 – Stinky Butt

dog fiction - clothes 2

Negotiating with Cookies #14 – Clothes

In my bedroom, I pull off my shirt and put on a different one.

Fleegle sits on the bed watching. “Why that shirt? What was wrong with the first one?”

“I don’t feel like wearing it.”

“But you feel like wearing that one, and those pants?”

“What’s wrong with these pants?”

He snorts. “Nothing.”

Now he’s got me second guessing my pants.

“I’m sure they’re fine,” he says. “I’m just trying to understand what it means to wear clothes based on how you feel. If something good happens that makes you feel really happy, do you have to go home and change your clothes?”

“You could if you wanted. What do you do when you’re happy?”

“I’m always happy, that’s why I only need one suit of fur.”


Previous: Negotiating with Cookies #13 – One Scoop, Two Scoops…

Start from the beginning: Negotiating with Cookies #1 – Stinky Butt

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